Paul was the little brother any sister would dream of having, a gorgeous little bundle of fun, and my memories go back to before I started school and was able to cuddle Paul for Mum while she got his milk ready, only for him to be asleep in my arms when she returned. I loved to be with him and would spend time in his nursery, doing puzzles on the floor while he was napping in his cot so I didn’t miss him waking up. As he grew we spent a lot of time playing together, often with other children in the neighbourhood. Paul was a sensitive little boy who often needed assurance and a cuddle, and I was always there to look out for him. I remember going away for a few days to a brownie camp during the hot summer of 1976 when Paul was 4. The first person I wanted to see when I got home was my little brother, and he was playing in the garden as usual. I rushed out to see him but was a bit put out as his hair had turned white blonde and he was as brown as a berry from being in the sun and I remember saying, “It doesn’t look like Paul”. I clearly remember Paul's first day at school. Mum dropped us at the gate and I took him to the assembly area where the teachers were waiting. He was so upset when I left him that I was called to his classroom to comfort him. He was fine after he’d seen me, but I always looked out for him in the playground at break times to make sure he was okay. Paul was never happy being far away from his sisters, and most mornings one of us would wake up to find him in our bed. Paul and I spent time staying with our grandparents when we were on holiday from school, and shared what felt like a huge double bed, but despite its size Paul would be stuck to me like glue until eventually he would force me out of the bed and I would have to climb back in the other side. As I got older I was able to help my Mum, and look after Paul for her after school and during the school holidays. Although at times, I’m sure my Mum would have had kittens if she’d known exactly what we were up to, we were always having fun. I had an old ‘bakers’ style bike which we affectionately called the Hovis bike, and I ferried Paul around on it, with him sitting on the front where the basket would have been. As kids we never saw the dangers and fortunately never came to any harm. Long summer holidays were spent mainly at the beach, and Paul made friends with the children of the owners of the beachfront café where we spent much of our time, and was happy to be playing with kids of his own age. We were rarely at home and my friends accepted Paul as part of me. I can’t really remember doing very much without Paul up to my late teens when he became old enough to gain some independence. As with most siblings we had our battles, especially when Paul became a disagreeable teenager, and was definitely the ‘annoying little brother’ at times. But we could still have fun times together, and Mum, Tracey, our Aunty Pat and I had a great holiday in Greece with Paul and a group of friends when he was 15. Often the brunt of a joke, he took it in good part and they are some of our fondest memories. After this I left home and didn’t see as much of Paul as he went through his late teens. Finally he left Clacton and we kept in touch through our Mum, mainly seeing each other at family get togethers. It was through his illness 7 years ago that we got closer again, and I was thrilled to have a happy, well Paul at my wedding 6 years ago. I hoped for so much for Paul, and I know he deserved a life of fulfilment, but sadly we lost him far too soon, and, although he clearly had some wonderful friends and a family that loved him very much, I fear that he never found what he needed to be truly happy. I will miss him so much, but treasure the wonderful childhood memories I will have forever. With much love, his sister Nicola. Nicola has written a poem as a loving tribute to Paul: "Memories of Paul" Remembering you as baby Paul And as a little boy Always full of mischief And bringing so much joy Remembering your younger years A time of heedless play Performing arts and poetry You always had your say Remembering the ambitious man With so much life to live So many dreams to realise And so much love to give You left us far too soon Much loved and missed each day Our memories will never fade You're in our hearts to stay by Nicola